Just Tired

Many years ago, I came across a social media post that looked at how we should not blame our jobs for a lack of progress in our personal goals, but instead consider the lull to be down to a lack of inspiration. It suggested that we often use work as a scapegoat to justify unhelpful behaviours instead of holding ourselves accountable when in reality we just wanted to take the easiest route.

I'm sure that this is something that we can all hold our hands up to - many a time have I've opted for a frozen pizza dinner so that I can put minimal effort into cooking a more nutritious meal after a long day in the office. I'm also sure that we are not naïve enough to take any notice when someone says "we have the same amount of hours in a day as Beyonce does".

Whilst we do, indeed, need to be disciplined and accountable, we do also need to be realistic.

When planning our goals and personal projects, we must take the impact of our jobs and other commitments into consideration so as to not overwhelm, burnout, or be disappointed. To say that our jobs do not hinder personal goals is just setting oneself up for failure.

I write this because over the weekend I felt guilty for having a couch-potato moment, and during that guilt I was reminded of the social media post. Whilst I sat under a blanket, either napping or sipping tea, I was plagued with all the things I could have been doing instead. I'm behind on housework, my journal is gathering dust, and I really shouldn't be letting the cold weather put me off of running. Had my desire to do more been drained out of me by the stresses and challenges of my work-life? Was the monotony of work the executor of my creativity? Would I fail my ambitions for the security of a regular pay check? Was I just bad at being a grown-up? Clearly, I'm a failure.

All very dramatic, really.

Truthfully, I just didn't want to do anything. I had no motivation or energy to even try.

I was more frustrated by the guilt than by the inactivity.

I am tired. Not uninspired or wasteful of ambition. Simply, tired. Can't a girl just rot in peace with some live wildlife cam playing out on YouTube? I work hard enough the rest of the time.

Regularly, my social media feeds are littered with posts about hacking productivity and creativity by filling every hour of everyday with some sort of purpose or meaning; even the solitude of sleep is not safe! It is exhausting. This rigid and non-negotiable approach to goal setting lacks understanding and humanity.

People get tired. They get sick. They hit mental blocks. They grieve. Life disrupts. Jobs hinder.

Stop trying to hack life. Life is not to be hacked, but to be experienced.

Everyone is allowed a duvet-day. They are healthy, and better when unplanned so you get a better recharge on your mental batteries.

I wanted my blog/website to promote slow and meaningful reading for the busy grownup, and from time to time that will include letting you know that it is more than ok if you haven't been able to touch your current read for a week.

As the year comes to an end, I'm seeing a lot of people post how they have read 100 + books this year; a tower that dwarfs my stack of 12. A part of me feels bad, even lesser, because I'm clearly not as on top of my life as other people seem to be. Then, I hone in on that part -"seem to be". I bet beyond that tower of 100 books is an equally long to-do list of abandoned home renovations, 'that's a January problem' spreadsheet, and the floordrobe to end all floordrobes.

I can not be the only one who is a bit pants at juggling from time to time.

Yes, suck it up and get on with your goals even when you're a bit run down, but don't run yourself into the ground either. I know that when I force myself to go out for a run, I end up feeling amazing, but I won't force myself if I know deep in my gut I am just too tired.

I know that just as my dusty sideboards are not going anywhere, my passion for the things I want to achieve is also sticking around.

Progress is not a linear journey, but one full of side-quests, unexpected adventures, and a good dose of rest.

Let life be messy and a bit disorganised. You'll enjoy it more.