Two Months for Hamnet

Last night I finally finished my current read, 'Hamnet' by the incredible Maggie O'Farrell.

It has taken me two months to read it.

I normally average on a book a month as I am a slow reader, but also just another grown-up trying to make time for work, exercise, food, socialising, etc.

The long time spent on 'Hamnet' was not due to the book lacking, it must be said. 'Hamnet' is one I will most definitely go forward to recommend! The reality is, it has just been a busy and exhausting couple of months.

Juggling our commitments means compromise. To be sure that I am keeping on top of my recently increased workload whilst navigating my annual visit from 'seasonal affective disorder', I have genuinely been too mentally drained to focus. Podcasts have helped fill the space, but most of my post-work 'down time' has been spent under a blanket watching some drama on Netflix that I do not need to think about.

If this sounds a little like you right now, I hope you're not feeling guilty.

We really do push productivity as purpose, and this mindset is what drives burnout, depression, and even long term health conditions. To prove this point, I had a participant on a workshop I was leading this week tell how their workaholic lifestyle led them to miss crucial warning signs in their health. Eventually, this led to a year in hospital and lifelong damage before they have even hit 50. If they could go back and make more space for rest and mindfulness, they would.

I often hear how we should do something today that our 80 year old self will thank us for. This can include taking that trip, working toward that promotion, and even having a duvet day.

Guilt and the feeling that we are getting left behind somehow makes this difficult. We see how others are on their third holiday of the year, showcasing their batch of homemade bread, or even hitting their reading goal of 100 books a year. Unfairly, we use the successes and values of others to belittle our own.

I do believe that the intensity and relentless nature of social media is the cause for so many abandoned goals and wants. It is why I wanted to create this space, so that others know that the slower and less perfect lives are just as wonderful.

I recently saw a post on Instagram that detailed how many pages the creator read within moments throughout a day as a way of showing that a book a day can be down even if you work full time. Truthfully, it wound me up a little. This kind of content can be alienating. Not everyone can read on public transport. Not everyone gets an hour lunch break (if they get one at all they've not crammed an appointment or errand in to). Not everyone has time between the school run and their shift to fit in 50 pages. Not everyone has 10 minutes a day to themselves. And that is ok! That is life.

I do not feel as though I can no longer call myself a bookworm or reader because it took me two months to read a book. I work hard. I do my best. Sometimes, that means switching off so that I can continue to live this life I love ... a life I have carved out for myself because I wanted it, and not because someone else told me that is how it should be.

So, please, do not beat yourself up just because you are not how you perceive someone else to be.

If it takes you two months to read a book, then so be it.

Health and happiness will always trump status.